I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
