so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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