i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
