Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I touched a dick in church today
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