I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
