a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
