thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
