looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
