making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
