I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
