i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
