Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's get the cat blown out
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
