My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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