you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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