I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
