i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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