Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
