enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize