4 words: hood of his car
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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