Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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