Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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