i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
