You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
