meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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