Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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