I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do vagina's smell?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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