my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
