Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
