Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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