i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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