Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize