Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
