lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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