The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
