It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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