I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
