I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
