Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
