i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
