My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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