god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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