He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
