What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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