Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
