If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
