where am i from again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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