Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize