I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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