I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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