Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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