I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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