Sry I called you an 8
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
