wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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