Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
