after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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