i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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