Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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