the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
