Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
