im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
