I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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