i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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