Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I smell stomach acid.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
