omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
