I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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