my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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