Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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