I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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