suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
