butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
