I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
