cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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