Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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