So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
