if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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