She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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