Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
