tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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