Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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