Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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