so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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