I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
