If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
